Sunday, August 4, 2013

the beginning

my dear addelyn, i will start by appologizing for the lack of documentation i have created, or rather not created, during this the first year of your life. you are 14 months old now. 14 months and 9 days to be exact. you have lived in two houses, traveled with me to many of our friend's and family's couches and guest rooms, you have been by my side through life changes i never anticipated experiencing.  you have been by my side, and for that i am eternally greatful. so i have been to busy experiencing, and learning, to properly document your journey. for that i am sorry.

that being said let me begin to tell you our story. you were born in the middle of may. i was uncomfortable, to put it nicely. i knew that i had a big baby in my belly. i saw many grainy images of your beautiful and fully developed body days before you arrived, and i was ready. i was oh so ready to meet you, to hear you, to hold you.
for reasons that are hazy to me now, during my pregnancy, i wanted to have you naturally. hindsight shows me that my pride was the ultimate culprit for this thinking. i wanted to prove to myself that i could have a natural birth, that i was strong enough to. luckily, for us both, i had your aunt coco and a wonderful doctor who helped me remember that bringing you into this world should not have any thought relation to my pride. so, your c-section delivery was scheduled. the professionals were worried that waiting for nature to take it's course would take to long, you would be late, and grow even bigger. to be quite honest the joke was that my body just wasnt made to push out a big ol' baby.

then, we picked a date and waited. i waited through the longest weekend of my existance. you were due on a friday i scheduled your delivery on a monday and sat full of so much anxiety, excitement and impatience that those three days were nearly unbearable. finally monday arrived. we didn't have to be at the hospital until 3:00. i woke early, as usual, and spent the morning cleaning the house. i dusted and vacuumed, i arranged and rearranged your room and wrote you a letter, i could not sit still. we got to the hospital early and i was a nervous wreck. i don't even remember speaking much. they prepped me, and again i waited...

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